Death Becomes Me

spiral

I think about death every single day.

It scares the shit out of me. I hate it. I hate that I have no control over it, no say over whether I want to die or not.

The thought of losing my loved ones sickens me. I absolute hate thinking about it, yet I do constantly.

As much as it scares the shit out of me, and as much as it bothers me, it also encourages me to live my life, spend time with those I love, do the things I have always wanted to do, and it makes me appreciate what I have.

Aside from haunting my daily thoughts death brings me more good than bad. I still would rather live in a world where life never ceases.

I cannot stand the thought of dying and there just being no more. This is what bothers me most. Of course it is what makes the most sense and there may very well be nothing after death. I hate this.

But no matter how devastating this is to me I must not die before dying. Life is meant to be lived, appreciated, and enjoyed.

So I choose to overcome things that steal joy. I do things I enjoy. I don’t do things I don’t enjoy. I spend time with my loved ones, not enough of course, but I like me time too. I enjoy seeing the world. I feel like I have lived a good life, spite the really shitty times, it has been and is pretty good.

For those of you judging me, cursing me, or praying for me please don’t come at me with any religion bullshit. You have the choice to believe in whatever you want. I am not going to believe in a fictional story just because I cannot grasp the thought of dying.

If more people realized that there may very well be nothing after life maybe more people would take their lives seriously. Maybe the world would be happier because we all know this was our one chance to live to the fullest.

But no. There are so many goddamn religions in the world, created either for control or because people feel like they need some kind of answer to life and how they should live it. You should live it however you fucking please!

It is Your life and no one else’s. If this was it and there is nothing after death. Would you live your life differently? It helps me to do so.

 

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